Engage in this if you want to make your blood boil.
Conflicts. They usually get our blood boiling.
They can be painful and unsettling.
When conflicts are with people we care about, they can raise feelings of invisibility and unworthiness. Sometimes they raise itchy feelings of being emotionally abandoned.
When conflicts are with people we don't care so much about or don't depend on, they can raise feelings of superiority or arrogance or maybe even disdain.
That can also get our blood boiling, in a different way.
"Boiling blood" is a picturesque metaphor for chronic elevated cortisol levels. Chronic elevated cortisol increases the incidence of anxiety and depression, affects sleep, increases the chance of getting sick, and makes me (I don't know about you) want to eat full packages of cookies. It's bad for my waist line and it's super bad for my heart.
Ken Cloke, JD, LLM, PhD, an arbitrator and mediator, says that our lives are formed by the conflicts we have experienced, and also by those we have not resolved.
Hmmmm..... that means I am actually more in control than I like to think.
Instead of running from conflicts or turning around and fighting or defending my own viewpoint, I can deepen my own conflict resolution skills. I can practice identifying my own feelings and needs and actively listen for those in others. I can listen deeply.
I can pause before responding. I can take my breath down deep into my belly, I can notice what is happening in my body. And I can let my thoughts settle before saying anything at all.
In so doing, I can lower the temperature on my boiling blood and support my own health and wellbeing.
Ahhhh.... that feels better.
Conflict resolution is worth practicing and modeling for our children.