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  • Ricka Robb Kohnstamm

How do you regain wholeness after fragmentation? 

Many things enter unbidden into our lives, over time, that blow us up into tiny, sharp fragments of ourselves...

Divorce, leaving a position you were invested in and cared about, facing the hard truth about something from the past, entering into contentious conversations with family members right before the holidays, losing someone you love dearly, realizing that your mom is never going to see you in the way you hoped she would.

What felt grounded and sure is unrecognizable, what had a shape now feels shapeless, broken and hopeless.

"Yes, please! Bring on the heartbreak!" said exactly no one, ever.

And yet, this is a normal part of life. Hard, unexpected, painful things happen to everyone. Every single person. And more than once in a life time.

Instead of thinking of it as an anomaly or that something must be wrong with US if we are suffering, we can reframe...

"Things will blow up and I can expect to feel fragmented - that is an uncomfortable and normal part of being human."

What do you do with that?

Consider these three steps...

Slow down, give yourself the gift of time. It is easy to panic and run as quickly as possible from the burning chaos right into the next best thing that feels safe and recognizable - the next relationship, the next job, the next community, a more reliable family member. Slow down. Take your time. Observe, assess, discern, consider, learn.

Stay present. Ground yourself with quality sleep, physical activity, whole foods, meditation or yoga or other stress reduction tools. Spend time in nature and with supportive friends. Instead of replaying the past over and over, stay in the present. Just "be", trusting that this is a critically important part of the healing process.

Choose to lean forward. As you are able, discipline yourself to turn your mind forward so that you can start to recognize what resonates... new opportunities will arise, new people will appear, new ways of seeing the world around you will come into focus. But you will only notice them if you are awake and aware. Watch for them, reach out to them, risk to dance with them.

The uncomfortable parts of life build emotional muscles that support the next bump, as well as the comfortable parts. It is all part of the journey.

Actions, aligned with values, support optimal health.


Hello, I'm Ricka.

Ricka Kohnstamm Executive & Physician Coach Profile Photo

I'm a Nationally Board Certified (NBC-HWC) Integrative Health and Wellbeing Coach. I specialize in working with physician leaders, corporate leaders, non-profit executives and their families to navigate complex work and personal issues so they can strengthen their relationships, heal, and feel hopeful about the future again. 



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