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  • Ricka Robb Kohnstamm

What are the roots of that bubbling resentment?

"You never listen to me!"

"They are always asking me to do too much! I can't take one more meeting request or I will flip out!"

"My husband doesn't take enough responsibility for the kids - I am going to lose my mind..."

"My kids keep calling and asking for money and I feel so resentful of them! How do I make them stop asking for things they shouldn't be asking me for?"

Resentment starts to seethe and ooze and come out of the cracks, like steamy anger outbursts, or migraines that won't go away, or low-grade depression that lays you low. If only they would listen to you! What is wrong with them???


You fight with your words.


You run away.


You freeze in place.


You might withdraw into yourself or move away from the people or situations you resent - and yet the situations and people are still there. Not changing. The minute you step back in, there they are.

When you are ready, you can consider the roots of that bubbling resentment and change the pattern...


  • Notice that the resentment is focused OUTWARD but the roots are growing from WITHIN: Notice. Pause. Notice again. ""You never listen to me!" comes out as anger at someone else, but consider that it is not actually about the listener, it may be coming from within:

    • "I am trying to communicate something and I don't feel heard."


Try on these examples, noticing if any of them "ping" authenticity in your chest or your gut...

  • "They are always asking me to do too much! I can't take one more meeting request or I will flip out!" comes out as resentment in the workplace, but consider that it is not actually about the specific workplace, it may be coming from within:

    • "I am trying to please too many people and I am abandoning my own need for consistency and structure."


  • "My spouse doesn't take enough responsibility for the kids - I am going to lose my mind..." comes out as resentment with your spouse, but consider that it is not actually about them, it may be coming from within:

    • "I am having trouble letting go of how things are done - instead, I want to meet my larger need for mutuality in our parenting partnership."


  • "My kids keep calling and asking for money and I feel so resentful of them! How do I make them stop asking for things they shouldn't be asking me for?"

    • "I am going to take a step back and recognize that I have choice about if and when I answer the phone and also what I say... I will define and then be clear and consistent about my boundaries."


Spacious thinking feels much better. Notice.


As always, actions, aligned with values, support optimal health.

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Hello, I'm Ricka.

Ricka Kohnstamm Executive & Physician Coach Profile Photo

I'm a Nationally Board Certified (NBC-HWC) Integrative Health and Wellbeing Coach. I specialize in working with physician leaders, corporate leaders, non-profit executives and their families to navigate complex work and personal issues so they can strengthen their relationships, heal, and feel hopeful about the future again. 

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