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  • Ricka Robb Kohnstamm

How well do you understand relationship bids?

"Boy, I sure had a hard day." "I would love to hear more." "I wish I knew more about what you do all day."

No matter where you are stuck or overwhelmed, how does being aware of relationship bids and choice support your optimal health?

These are relationship "bids." Through making a comment, someone invites us into relationship with them. They make a bid and we can notice the bid and turn towards, or ignore the bid and turn away.

Successful relationships involve more leaning toward bids with empathy and kindness than turning away.

Sometimes the bids are easy to translate: "I wish I knew more about what you do all day..." That one is easy.

But what would you do with this bid? "You always walk right past me and ignore me. You are mean-spirited. I'm surprised at you!"

Wait, what???

This is a bid, too. And it requires expert level bid-literacy. This bid, translated, may say several things:

"Would you please notice me?"

"I would like you to see what I have done."

Or maybe even "Your opinion matters to me - and I'm not feeling so great about myself and how I fit in right now."

It's not the most skillful bid but I still have the choice to lean towards the other person, with increased compassion. Or not. My choice.

When I remember that the relationships bids are there for the taking and it is up to me to decide how to interpret them and whether to lean in or out, it feels super healthy.

Make remembering to be aware of relationship bids and choice, on a regular basis, a healthy habit.

Hello, I'm Ricka.

Ricka Kohnstamm Executive & Physician Coach Profile Photo

I'm a Nationally Board Certified (NBC-HWC) Integrative Health and Wellbeing Coach. I specialize in working with physician leaders, corporate leaders, non-profit executives and their families to navigate complex work and personal issues so they can strengthen their relationships, heal, and feel hopeful about the future again. 



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